Archive for February, 2010

Matrimonial Ad: Wanted Groom

Posted: February 27, 2010 in Thoughts, Women
Tags: ,

For a lady who has opinion about almost everything under the sun or may be even beyond that and rather than being a victim or a mere spectator, prefer to direct her life.

A guy who is strong enough to appreciate others’ opinion even if they differ from his own or comes from an opponent, don’t take a protector’s role in his spouse’s life but support her in her fight by standing beside her and by motivating her when she’s about to give up.

Compassion (for all), romance, great sense of humour or any other quality will be considered added assets.


Read people’s reactions on an article that touched certain aspects of a religion and its progression while comparing it with some other religion. I won’t comment on any of the points that were written in the article or in responses as they were view-points of those individuals. In fact there were certain things that I could see in newer light. But the texture of the article and those reactions disturbed me. I didn’t realize it then as my thoughts were more concentrated on the newer aspect that I got hold of through those responses about this religion. Today morning I could find what bothered me.

Let’s view a picture.

In my family my mother accepts me as I am with no suggestions to change. My brother accepts me but tells me the way he prefers certain things about me to be. My sister can’t stand many of my things, keeps shouting at me and declares me a hopeless case. But when an outsider tries to offend me they all come together to defend me.

There are certain characteristics that define our family and we are at ease with it. Now my brother gets married and my sister-in-law comes. There are certain things that she finds common to what she has seen in her earlier years and many others that she sees as new yet acceptable. But there are things that she can’t identify with at all. What can she do in this case? Criticize us or try changing us or accept us as we are and continue being what she is. For things that she consider as follies she can share her views, make us consider it for amendments giving us time and space to change or she can simply condemn us for that and alienate herself from us. In later case we too in return find her imperfections and try to prove ourselves superior. End result is alienation and negativity.

There’s nothing or no one that is liked by all. There’s nothing or no one that is perfect. Criticize it or accept it or try to mould it your way is a matter of choice. In different circumstances and for different things we exercise one of these choices depending on our preferences and perception and our current state of mind or well-being. Cynicism too is one of the many human reactions that comes forth at times but when it becomes a defining trait for somebody vis-à-vis something or someone, prejudices creep in and many times takes such dimensions that it engulfs the goodness of the one nurturing it. Even on usual scale if cynicism is a persistent trait it can only touch people involved with negativity. Never being cynical can be a goal which one can work towards but it doesn’t seem humanly possible. Still like getting angry once in a while is understandable if you learn to guard it, cynicism too must be set in boundaries.

Comparative studies of cultures, religion, societies and for that matter even individuals is my favourite subject but if I loose objectivity while studying and analysing it and get judgemental my purpose will be defeated. I want to study it to develop my understanding of their differences and grow acceptability for these differences and not to alienate any of them or feel superior in any of the aspects. To put forth certain weaknesses(in my perception), first I must learn to be compassionate and put it forward in constructive way, giving them time and space to understand my view-point and change if acceptable while understanding their resistance towards that change.

War has always been fought for establishing supremacy of some kind or to maintain such supremacy when somebody threatens to seize it. It is the truth of wars in history, in present and in coming times, though the pretence may vary in different eras. But why do we feel guilty about it in today’s world? Why do we have to pretend that it’s for other’s sake?

Initially there were fights in the name of food and shelter i.e. getting hold of hunting grounds. Then organised tribes came. They fought for more hunting grounds along with respect for the symbols of their faith from more and more people. Then came the Kingdoms. Reasons were the same but wars were more elaborate this time. Bigger kingdoms had same basic reasons but on bigger scale and had bigger egos to nurse. These egos in the garb of self-respect and courage fought many wars. With flexible and constantly changing boundaries there was much to conquer and conquerors were the heroes in history who never were answerable to their subjects. Moreover almost no subject ever figure in history nor do they write it to express their point of view.

Today conquerors aren’t acceptable as global interdependence needs amicable environment and invasions in the world of marked boundaries are getting difficult without being labelled as hostile. Today in most part of the world there is no ruler as such who can claim definitive authority on a country and this takes away the unfathomable authority which earlier rulers enjoyed.

So with concept of globalisation, nationhood and democracy, justification to go on war is diminishing. Yet the natural temptations are the same. My thoughts, My religion, My region, My economy and other such possessions take hold of one’s psyche and to prove them supreme wars are waged. Today it is not apparently visible in terms of conquering regions but it is more of a psychological warfare, and the visible manifestations are of symbolic nature with constant efforts to disguise it as an effort for peace or liberation. We placed high-sounding words to keep our conscience clear. And the most interesting part is, we all believe in that. After all that’s the way we can boost our goodness. What’s the better way to fight but to fight in the name of others?

A sixty member assembly with four Chief Ministers is a distinction that only Meghalaya has achieved till date. But I hope measures towards making more and more people empowered will be furthered with augmented fervour. Until we can divide our states further, how can we bring more people in power ambit? Increasing number of head of states is one such way. If we don’t restrict the number of Head of State, it not only will bring political harmony but it can also bring that elusive dream of equality that otherwise seems impossible to attain where all of us will have equal status.

In Meghalaya, ruling alliance has taken utmost pain to work around Constitutional restrains and appoint four persons with the rank and status of Chief Minister. Though Constitutionally Darwing Diengdoh Lapang is the Chief Minister, Friday Lyngdoh is elevated to the same status along with State Planning Board Chairman Donkupar Roy and Meghalaya Economic Development Council Chairman J D Rymbai, who already are at par in rank and status of the Chief Minister. They are also aided by two capable Deputy Chief Ministers, Mukul Sangma and Bindo Lalong.

Instead of dubbing it as problem of plenty or burden on exchequer, visualize it as a step towards building a nation of equals where every citizen will be ultimately heading a nation or state or at least a councils body. It isn’t a political manoeuvre to grab power but to delegate power to as many people as possible.

Till now we had to satisfy ourselves with Deputy Prime Ministers, Proxy Prime Ministers or Deputy Chief Ministers due to Constitutional restrictions. Meghalaya leaders have made it apparent that if there is will, you can work around anything. Constitution has never been a constraint in such matters and to accelerate the progress it can always be modified.

So, welcome to the world of power!

P.S.: There’s this confusion though: Who or what will we head ultimately?