Posts Tagged ‘Women’

Sounds bitter as truth always does. But think of it and you will see the reality behind.

She has to be a prostitute at times, at others she becomes a beggar and she is an eternal prisoner. Census merely has recognized this truth of our society and clubbed “housewives” with all these three under economically non-productive category. Are we ashamed of this prevalent fact???

P.S.: This is about all, including “those housewives” (there are many who are very strong individuals and I am excluding them. And by strong I certainly don’t mean arrogant and ill-tempered!), who are prisoners of their own follies. They also want other women to fall into the same pattern. And people around aren’t too keen to break their shackles.


From my birth to my growing up; from my marriage to my sexual life; my clothes to my make up; my going out to my being at home; my education to my profession (which now is turning out to be no-profession), all aspects at every stage of my life is pre-defined by my religion. I am defined by others and so are my aspirations, making my brain an obsolete entity.

Many females from different religions too are living by set norms. But they are doing it as social norms or cultural aspects, which are easier to breach. If they break these norms they may become social outcast but not in front of their Gods. I am unique as if I try to redefine myself even without affecting others I am labelled a culprit in the eyes of Allah.

I wish I could tell these representatives of Allah that I too am one of his creations and he himself has bestowed the similar faculties of thoughts and senses to me as he has given to them. You can lead your life the way you choose. You can guide but if you start dictating what will I do with my brain. I don’t wish to waste this precious gift of Allah and let it remain untapped. I am alive and so are my senses. I too can feel and I too can see.

I may not think big still I am happy that I can think. I won’t let others to do it for me!

One of my friends read an article on substance abuse amidst sex-workers. This TOI article had lots of data and objective information in that regard. She had queries which I’ll reproduce in her own words.
1. ….can’t they make this kind of money in any descent job of dignity?
2. …why is there no action about it (flesh trade), just because cops are making money out of it?
3. What are our media friends and women in Parliament doing now?
4. Is there something that I can do to improve things?

Of all questions I liked the last one most as that was directed towards herself. Even I don’t seek answers to these questions but seek solution if I may. Towards that end I put across certain other questions.

1. Are sex-workers deserve to live a demeaning life just because they are in a particular trade or is it something we choose to be silent on as it rakes up many other related issues that we prefer to put behind curtains?
2. Flesh trade has flourished all through our history of civilization. What’s the reason behind?
3. Earlier it wasn’t illegal but now when it is, why this practice is still thriving? (I am not getting into issue of making it legal as that would drag the current problem into different realm)
4. And since it is illegal and still ticking why should only sex-workers bear the brunt of its ills, especially those who are forced or trapped into this trade?
5. Is it only authority who is liable to stop this exploitation or society can take the responsibility to bring sex-workers into its fold?
6. How can we generate different earning opportunity for these women given the fact that if provided an opportunity they are willing to switch out of this profession?
7. Can we give up our prejudice and fears to stand for our fellow human beings who are exploited and then blamed for their own exploitation?

I am forming my answers to reach a solution. Your inputs will certainly aid!

Nobody has a choice but to respect an individual’s right to choose his/her own life especially if the individual is an adult and his/her decisions are legally correct. But had legally correct things been always right, there wouldn’t have been provision for any amendment. Has CJI given a thought on how wish of rape victim to marry rapist impacts herself and the society as a whole and in first place, what makes her wish so? What does it convey to a rapist and prospective rapists?

In most cases rape victim is under tremendous family and societal pressure. Also, due to social conditioning, a female always find herself in need of a male support to feel secure. She depends and relies on men to give herself an identity. With stigmas attached to marring a rape victim, she feels that if she doesn’t take perpetrator of her dignity as her spouse, no body else will accept her either. Even society encourages this thought process. But when a person of CJI stature supports such measures in the name of a victim’s wish, one sits and wonders the purpose of marriages. What sort of marriage will it be? Does the victim expect respect from her perpetrator in this marriage or will it just be another marriage of convenience with only difference being that the disrespect starts even before marriage and there’s no hope? Victim thus has to build an illusionary world to remain at peace where she ignores what happens to her. And most of the times she turns blind even when the same rapist victimizes others. Doesn’t this imply that if a man is unmarried, he can easily take a chance to rape, as later he can offer to marry his victim and escape the punishment? It’s only after getting married that he must be careful about his moves and save himself from getting caught as bigamy too is a crime.

I don’t know how casually or how seriously people take this crime. But I am sure that someone who does this is a man with distorted vision and attitude towards women. It’s not just a crime in legal terms; it disfigures the threads of any civil society. Only point that I can think of in favour of such marriages is change of heart of tormentor. So, does that mean that all other culprits too must be set free and we must wait for change in their hearts too? It sounds great and ideal. But till we get such dream world, try to think about the implication of your thoughts before advocating it.

Child Marriage, Female Infanticide or Sati was prevalent and once legally unchallenged. Though less frequent now, socially they still exist. But at least we aren’t accepting them and trying to work towards eradicating them. Then why instead of punishing a rapist, we are finding ways to save him in the name of victim’s welfare. On one hand we declare forced intercourse even in marriage as rape then what confuses us to declare a rapist as one’s husband?

All he deserves is punishment. All she needs is confidence to live her life with dignity.

Matrimonial Ad: Wanted Groom

Posted: February 27, 2010 in Thoughts, Women
Tags: ,

For a lady who has opinion about almost everything under the sun or may be even beyond that and rather than being a victim or a mere spectator, prefer to direct her life.

A guy who is strong enough to appreciate others’ opinion even if they differ from his own or comes from an opponent, don’t take a protector’s role in his spouse’s life but support her in her fight by standing beside her and by motivating her when she’s about to give up.

Compassion (for all), romance, great sense of humour or any other quality will be considered added assets.

Why do women need favourable working environment when they claim to be equally capable? They bring colours and giggles inducing vibrant energy that enhances efficiency of an organization and increases work flow. Without them work will become an imposition and every working hour will appear too long for human endurance and monotony will creep in. If these reasons aren’t enough just imagine “what if women don’t get supportive work place and decide to play the same equality card by refusing to carry child so that they too can choose to work as equally as their male counterparts with no expectations from home front”. With scientific advancements even this reason can be countermanded though it’s still too early for that to happen. But what about child rearing responsibilities which are traditionally women’s domain, especially in initial years?

Nature has bequeathed women with child bearing capacity and it extends to child rearing responsibility. This natural fact leaded to work sharing arrangement between men and women on their onset of existence. Men was supposed to meet his family needs and had to work away from home. Women took over household responsibilities. This arrangement aided in apt atmosphere for child bearing and rearing. This must have leaded to evolution of physical constitution of men who developed muscular body that was required for laborious tasks they were engaged in. I don’t wish to scare men as I love them in general for more than one reason, but who knows that once shunning the child bearing duty ladies out there gets keen on getting muscles too as for some muscle power is the yardstick of real strength. I simply loathe this notion as it will devoid us from those curves that everyone loves watching so much. Though population is growing still I don’t want people to die of tedium.

Simplest way out is to understand that equality is about equal opportunities and neutral playfield for equally talented individuals. Child Care and Health Facilities; Leave Provisions; Flexi-timing and other such considerations aren’t a favour for women because though men don’t carry child, they still have their contribution towards it.

If you are concerned more about population explosion and consider feminine charm as distraction, go ahead with restrictions on women from joining you at your work place. Or you can try with providing a considerate and conducive system, which may increase their efficiency as is generally observed.

It’s Men Who Must Seek Equality

Posted: January 14, 2010 in Women

Generally they are expected to earn, they are expected to earn more if their spouse too is earning, they are expected to rescue a damsel in distress, they must leave their seats and open doors for lady even if the lady in certain cases are seemingly more robust, they must do all the physically strenuous works, they must not exhibit fear in any case, they must always be courageous, else their manliness will be questioned. All this just to maintain their masculine superiority and for this vanity (or you may call it folly…whatever appeals you) they burden themselves with too much responsibilities and toil. And what does a woman do? She let him believe what he believes and enjoy all the perks and still blame him for her suppression!

Why should a lady tax herself to earn big when she can simply charm a rich man into marrying her? When you are getting comforts just by being labelled as weak, it’s foolish to forego them just to prove your strength. I agree, in crowded places like public transport with those sex predators on prowl, it is fine to be offered seat. But with an elderly or handicap person around is there any scope of confusion on whether a guy must leave his seat or you too are equally capable of offering the same? When somebody is getting unruly with you or somebody else, is it just man’s obligation to raise alarm and resist such act? Men too are human. They too have their fears. So learn to fight your own fight.

Am I unaware of age-long suppression that women have been put through and in many spheres they still are subjected to regression? No. What I am conveying is that they can’t expect only men to stand for them. Escaping participation in seeking their rightful place conveys their choice to carry on the same path that they are treading all this while. Women must raise expectations from themselves and those who can fight must fight for themselves and for their fellow women folk. Use your capabilities to make other women find their strength, to fight for their rightful place and sever their suppressive past.

Whole psyche needs overhauling, not only of men but more of women. Femininity isn’t a sign of weakness. Adaptability and compassion are under-rated virtue. As Darwin says “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, or the most intelligent. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change”. We don’t have to become like men to feel stronger as aggression can be countered but not compassion.

Men must certainly be expected to know that women aren’t just object of their desire, or to be idolized or victimized. Love them, respect them or despise them but don’t try to take away their right to be an individual, an individual who has the right to define her individuality and choose her own path.